The Theory of the Era

You know, when I first got asked to go inspect some fossils in a remote mountain village in Cameroon, I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it. I, Dr. Bernard Khan, world-renowned paleontologist, had better things to do than to go check out some fossils at a place I couldn't even locate on a map. However, Kara, my agent, was adamant on me going, so I conceded because she has always made good decisions for me. Now I don't exactly know everybody who was in on this plan, but they sure got me good. So I arrived in Cameroon in the wee hours of the morning with my research team, absolutely jetlagged with the pitiful taste of airplane food still lurking in my mouth. We then had to ride in a beaten-down four-wheeled box the driver boastingly called "the best car in Cameroon" up extremely bumpy mountains (that's actually an understatement). I stumbled out of the "car", ready to reject all the contents of my stomach, but when I glanced up, I swallowed it all back, along with all the resenting doubts I had for this trip.

There, in front of my humble eyes, was a complete- I tell you, a complete- fossil of the dinosaur Carnivorous Rex. Yes, the dinosaur I had discovered 4 years ago in Brazil. There it was, standing in its grandeur, its skeleton just begging to be inspected, you know? I turned around to share my excitement with my research team, but they all had mischievous smiles on their faces. And that was when I knew this was all planned. They wanted to see a genuinely excited face on my part (not something I show often to the undeserving public), and well, they got it. So, Thomas, Becky, Isaac: if you're reading this, I applaud you for your impeccable planning (but only slow-clap style).

Anyways... back to the important stuff. So not only was the dinosaur fossil from the same specie found in Brazil, but after further inspection and testing the rocks around the fossil was the same type of rock we found surrounding the Carnivorous Rex fossil in Brazil! Now, before you start hypothesizing that giant a Carnivorous Rex could fly, let me explain to you my more rational theory. I might not have earned my PhD in geography, but I was incredibly passionate about geography in my high school years, so I do believe my theory is legitimate (definitely more legitimate than the people that claimed high school would be the best 4 years of your life, anyways).

The rocks found on both fossil sites are sedimentary, which is a type of rock composed of layers that compressed over time. These rocks originated from a volcano which expulsed lava, and as the lava cooled and solidified it turned into igneous rocks. These igneous rocks were carried to the bottom of a lake, and over time they formed sedimentary rocks. Now the lake dried up over the years, and at the accumulation point of a nearby mountain a glacier began to form. As it made its way down to the ablation point, the glacier managed to pluck those sedimentary rocks to form a moraine. Over time, the soil on which the moraine rocks rested developed into chernozem soil, which is a soil rich in nutrients. Naturally, plants began to grow on that soil, after continuous cycles of leaching. The rich amount of vegetation attracted many herbivore animals, and the large sedimentary rocks provided shelter from the wind and sun for the creatures. The Carnivorous Rex, true to its name, started to realize that it was a prime spot for feeding. They established there and also began reproducing. This area of abundant vegetation and sedimentary rocks was situated at a point between Cameroon and Brazil, when the world was still one super continent known as "Pangea". The extinction of the Carnivorous Rex happened 135 million years ago, which was 35 million years before the continental drift separated the continents to its default placement. So when that was happening, the Carnivorous Rex was already in the form of fossils. As the continents separated through the divergence of boundaries, the thousands of Carnivorous Rex fossils stayed within either the Brazil or Cameroon borders. Thus, that is my foolproof theory of why the same type of fossils was found in both Brazil and Cameroon!

Now, since I'm a good, honest person, I cannot take full credit for this intricately woven theory. I must extend my greatest gratitude to the knowledge of my former geography teacher, my research team, and Wikipedia (and don't go telling me it's not a reliable source- I'm a middle aged man that's been through a couple of divorces so I know what's reliable and what's not).

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